Jesus H. Christ...

Wow, I must admit, I know stupid. Believe me, I do. I like Benny Hill. I watched The Day After Tomorrow. Larry is my favorite stooge. I am a Lions fan. But this here has to be the most stupid, most shockingly imbecilic bit of tripe I've read about in a long ass time.....still, what scares me most is not that this exists, but that there is a strong chance it will succeed.

NASCAR, Harlequin Gear Up for Love Stories

Strange bedfellows, indeed. Or maybe not. If it's true that opposites attract, then a licensing agreement between Harlequin Romance novels and NASCAR Inc., should be a marriage made in heaven. The first offspring of this new union, a racetrack romance entitled In the Groove by Pamela Britton, goes on sale Tuesday — just a few weeks before the Daytona 500 on Feb. 19. Two other NASCAR-themed love stories will be published this year: On the Edge by Britton in September and A NASCAR Holiday by Kimberly Raye, Roxanne St. Claire and Debra Webb in November. At least 17 more, by various authors, are planned for 2007.

I can't help but think of Joe Dirt, when he kisses that hottie at the oil field and is like, "hey baby, you can keep that Skoal...."

"NASCAR very much portrays themselves as a family-oriented sport, and most romance fiction is about commitment and about the promise of happily-ever-after," says Gayle Wilson, president of the 9,500-member Romance Writers of America.

HA! This shit just gets better and better....but, if you're me like, you are wondering what this In The Groove storyline might possibly entail, besides maybe some sloppy heavy petting in the back of a shitty Monte Carlo to the tune of Tim McGraw's "Drugs or Jesus"? Domestic violence and some good ol' fahsioned subjugation? Surprisingly, no.

In the Groove features down-on-his-luck NASCAR driver Lance Cooper and ex-kindergarten teacher Sarah Tingle. They meet when his car hits her. She gets a bump on the head. He's driven to distraction. When he looks at Sarah, Cooper "feels like he has been shocked by a loose spark plug wire."

Well, folks, the world is officially coming to an end. This rant brought to you by Miller High Life and AutoZone. Yeehaw.