Joke Of The Day

A recurring feature here at Sick Day rears its ugly head. This is for all the Red Sox fans out there. Enjoy.

A Boston Red Sox fan, a Chicago Cubs fan and a NY Yankees fan were all in Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the US Army. While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they were sentenced to death!

With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik decided that they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said, "It's my 1st wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one wish before your whipping".

The Cubs fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Cubs fan was carried away bleeding and crying.

The Yankees fan was up next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself), and after watching the scene, said "OK please fix 2 pillows to my back." But even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Yankee fan crying like a baby.

The Red Sox fan was the last up ( he had finished off the crate- given his allegiance, who could blame him), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said "you support the greatest baseball team in the world, your supporters are the best and most loyal fans in all the world. For this you may have 2 wishes"

"Thanks, your most royal highness'" the Red Sox fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".

"Not only are you an honorable, powerful man, you are also very brave," said the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Shiek asks..

To which the Red Sox fan replied... "Tie the Yankee fan to my back."

No, It's Not A Kosher Cereal.....

It's Frankenfish, or so the locals are calling it. Yes, that's right kids, it's time for another episode of "Make The Marine Biologist Crap His Pants." More traditionally known as the northern snakehead, this bastard variety of gill-laden catfood was caught near the Illinois shore of Lake Michigan. Anyone who's lived within spitting distance of the lake knows it's healthier to eat a Pabst Can Sandwich than consume Lake Michigan seafood, and most act accordingly. Still, if these little troublemakers decide to mate, they're gonna get old school. (Sorry, that was a bad one). If these suckers get inland, they could seriously screw up ESPN2's Weekend Morning Programming.

Funny Quote

I caught a minute or two of Bill Maher's show on HBO, and in discussing the Iraqi elections, Bill said, to paraphrase,

"It's hard to see the Iraqi elections as progress when the women are still WEARING the voting booths."

Hah hah hah.

Iraq-nids

I know most of my friends and family have received junk e-mail about camel spiders in Iraq, with a particularly gross picture attached. It appears, as I thought, to be mere urban legend.

Check it out here if you haven't seen this yet, like I said, for those with an irrational fear of spiders, this will stand your hair on end. Check out the video clips too.

Later.

Etched In Stone

Well, after months of debate, my band decided to take a vote on our future moniker. The results are in, and we are to be known as:

MOUTH OF WILSON

I like it a lot, I actually came up with it, it's a small town I saw a sign for driving back to New Jersey from Charlotte, NC. It's hard to pigeonhole, which we all like; we don't sound like we should be any particular type of band.

The wheels are starting to turn faster, gigs will be lined up soon. Stay posted, should you live in the PHL/NJ/NYC/CT area.

The Brown Jug Stayeth Put

The University of Michigan continued its grasp on the Little Brown Jug, by defeating The University of Minnesota's Golden Gophers on Saturday, 27-24. It was the second-straight heartbreaking finish for the Gophers, who gave up 31 4th quarter points in Michigan's greatest comeback in its storied history last year at the Hubert H. Humphrey dome.

I, you will have read, was at the game, and managed to scam my way into the roudy student section. My brother made the drive from Minneapolis to cheer on his Gophers, but left angry as he and the rest of the Gopher faithful watched a 24-20 lead evaporate at the hands of true-freshmen quarterback Chad Henne.

Minnesota has now taken the jug to Minneapolis only twice since the Super Bowl was invented and not since 1986. Excellent.

I had great time seeing old and new friends, and did imbibe to the fullest. Got to see all the old haunts, and dined at the famous Krazy Jim's Blimpy Burger.

I also went down to Main Street to watch the NFL on Sunday as the Detroit Lions won their second straight road contest, improving to 3-1 while puttin' a beatin' on the previously undefeated Michael Vick and the Falcons. Sweet.

I hope everyone had as good a weekend as me. Now, it's off to the homestead for dinner and cake with the family for my 29th. Hooters and the Yankees will round out the festivities.

Peace.

Who's Your Daddy? Do they have XXL?

Tonight, one of the greatest rivalries in sports resumes with the Red Sox vs. Yankees. I think the Red Sox are the better team, but I'll be very surprised if they win. The brain says Boston, but the Yankees live for this and my gut says Jeter and company will break The Nation's hearts once again.

But to my main point: Why are these T-shirts pissing off Sox fans when it's all Pedro's fault? He said it, not Steinbrenner. Of course, it's true. The Red Sox ARE the Yankees's bitch, even if they win this series. It'll take decade after decade of role-reversal to make up for the complete ownership that New York has displayed vs. the Red Sox.

Buncha weirdos I tell ya.

Carl Lewis Carol

OK. I've posted some weird shit on this site before, and I'm proud to have been able to dig up such a cornucopia of oddball webfare.

That being said, I think I may set the bar so high (no pun intended, you'll see) this time, I may never run across (there I go again) a better example of why the internet is so great.

I don't know when this was made, but it gives me the willies something awful. I keep thinking this isn't real, but it is.

One question of many: WHAT IS UP WITH THE OLD LADY AND THE BUBBLES??

Talk about cringe inducing.....Make sure your sound is way up. Click here.

Fear Factor

My cousin sent me a great movie, obviously assembled by the Democratic Party, showcasing the many buzz words used by the GOP to sling fear as their main tactic in swaying voters to stick with a president who has nothing to cling to but his circumstantial holding of the Presidency during the attacks of 9/11/01. Amazing. I can't believe people are swayed by this, but then again, why should I be surprised? We couldn't possibly decide the most important election in 25 years on issues, now could we?

Here's the link.

PS - Will someone please tell ol' W that it's either "September 11th" or "the 11th of September", not "September the 11th"?

Christ.